I was born in 1953 and
someday I will die. On the days in
between it seems like the sole purpose of my life has been to extinguish the
volatile fires of my son’s autism and I want my life to matter in a bigger way. I have no legacy; I want to contribute to the
universe but sometimes it seems as though I have nothing worthwhile to
give. Yes, I have created scads of
passable art and purposeful graphic design.
There are disjointed chapters of books scattered on my computer that I
have been working on for years, transferred through half a dozen
versions of MS Word. I have yet to put them together in a meaningful way. (Only last week I found an old zip disk from the year 2000 labeled "book" chapters 1, 2, 3, and 9. God only knows what's on that! And what happened to chapters 4 through 8?) Some
people save lives through medicine or philanthropy. Or they have changed the course of history
through profound philosophical works of art or literature, scientific discovery
or strategies for global peace. I enter
posts in a blog about losing a few pounds, cleaning the house or the colors of a flower.
These thoughts descend
uninvited in the darkness of night and they cannot be swept aside, considered the symptoms
of a midlife crisis; it’s too late for that.
But I know that I will go back to sleep and wake up refreshed, with a
job to do – douse the flames of autism and find the joy in life and love my family and realize
that may be enough. It may have to be enough.
The Lighter Side
On Tuesday I had a seemingly successful meeting/portfolio presentation with a toy company owner for a position as
a package designer; I have a feeling that I will be called in for a second
interview. At least I hope so. There is always that sticking point that many potential employers are not comfortable with. I do understand. Can you work full time? Yes, but after 2:30 I'll have to work from home or I'll turn into a pumpkin. There's that autism fire again. He seemed okay with this but he emphasized that it was ultimately not his decision, hence the double interview process.
The 4th of July
was peaceful. Donated blood in the morning. Then I took Joey to a midday
cookout – games and swimming at the home of one of the guys from his program. Boy, was it hot outside. Later, burgers with Joe, Joey and my mom. Just the four of us :)
Yesterday I did go to WeightWatchers
and I reached my 15-pound weight loss goal (more to go, though). 15.4 pounds lost, to be exact. This may be rather trite as compared with world peace, but I feel pretty good about it.
Dear Linda,1953 was a good year for many reasons it gave the world two wonderful women.Right now they are both going through a period of self doubt,you may be assured that you two have contributed much to a lot of people and the world you live in where would we all be without the like of those two babies born in 1953.
ReplyDeleteI would like to quote a woman admired by many including me.
For to be a woman is to have interests and duties,raying out in all directions from the central mothercore,like spokes from the hub of a wheel. Ann Morrow Lindbergh,a dynamic woman and author.
Love You Aunt Ann
Hi Aunt A. I like that quote. Thank you for thinking of it. P is going through a difficult time and my thoughts go to her often. I hope that things begin to resolve quickly for her. And regards to Uncle H. Love, Linda
ReplyDeleteLin, I am so glad you were born and that you are here. I am so glad we have gotten closer. You are such a good mom to Joey. "Be there" is such an important rule for a parent. Pls don't underestimate that....you matter. you are making a mark. And: I am so happy to hear about the toy company prospect, and you rock re. WW. you are something! love you. alice
ReplyDeleteHi Al. Thank you. Well, you how things always seem worse in the middle of the night when you can't sleep?
ReplyDeleteI have the lunch thing figured out for next Wednesday. If (big) Joe is home that day, he can be there in time for Joey @ 2:30 and the rest of us can go to a restaurant (he doesn't mind). But if I have to be home in time for Joey, I will just make something and we can have lunch here. I'll know more at the end of the week.
Glad you had a nice time in Maine and a safe trip.
Love, Lin
Lin, we can't get there til about 1 based on sis and don getting here from CT first...whatever works out re. where we eat will be great. love you. al p.s. yes, i know about thinking in middle of night....
ReplyDelete